Shame vs Love

I think it was the shame. The shame was the hardest to handle. The christian walk had come down to my continual striving to become a better person, which - of course - was doomed to fail. I think of such scriptures as: "Not by might, nor by power but by my Spirit." I have no idea what context it was in, but I'm sure any pastor ('cept Grosbøll) would tell me that it applied to this quest for human perfection: "The Great Paradox - Episode 1-11 (on sale as vhs and dvd)," so I'll accept that thought for now.

Another scripture: [the one about how 'my yoke is light.'] Why have I never had this promise realised in my life?

I'm a scatterbrain right now, but the conclusion that I can't get to is this: in the past, I have been motivated by shame to become a 'better' person. As well as schizophrenia this lifestyle was headed for failure. What then do I want to be? Where do I want to go? Here's where I want to go: I want to love God, others and myself, and as a consequence of this, I will become what is commonly known as a 'better person.' However, shame and self-loathing will not be my fuel and vain glory and self-exultation will not be my goal. Love will be my fuel and goal - my one and all!